I found a video camera in the second hand shoppe and thought why not use it as a video diary? Dr. Powell believes a diary will help with my stress & my fugue disorder, and I really hope he's right. I've been experiencing memory loss every since my stepson and I got into a car accident. He seems to be perfectly fine, but I tend to lose big chunks of the day. I forget conversations, and what I need to do, sometimes I become conscious when I'm washing dishes and the hot water scalds my skin. Dr. Powell had me on medication but they all had terrible side effects and didn't seem to work well anyway. I'm not supposed to drive anymore, so Tyler has moved back in with me. He's been such a help with chores.Since this diary is just for me I want to confess a secret, something I really need to get off my chest, something so shameful that I can't even admit to my psychiatrist. I want to sleep with Tyler. I'm obsessed with the idea of it. I'm always look for an opportunity to see him undressed, I try to conveniently walk in when I think he's just gotten out of the shower, and I've placed a webcam in his bedroom hoping to catch him satisfying himself. I've found myself dropping little hints that I'm attracted to him. I play out silly role-play scenarios in my mind that lead to us passionately making love, but when I try to enact them in real life, they never seem to go as planned.One evening my webcam died. My stress has been pretty intense and my amnesia is kicking in. I forgot to change the batteries. I was so disappointed because I know Tyler was in there for a suspiciously long time. And so I had to see what he was up to? Talking to a girl? Jerking off? I snuck in his room and opened his laptop. I meant to check emails, his Facebook, but as soon as I opened the screen a porn started playing. It was an older woman, my age, a blonde with long wavy hair having sex with a young man his age. I watched the porn over and over. I kept wondering out of all the porn he could watch, why would he watch this theme. Did he also have suppressed fantasies? It gave me hope and courage to be less subtle with my flirtations and see how he reacts.